Too busy Falling in Like

I am so sorry my dear readers!  I haven't abandoned you.  I have met someone and I am very busy falling in like with him.  He is incredible and I am rapturous.

Since my last post, I have submitted both a short story and a poem for publication to the Everyday people.  As of right now, the poem has been upgraded to in Process and the story is still in slush.  I am excited about having a second round at the In Process rank.  I know it isn't publication, but it still means someone is seeing SOMETHING in my writing.  I just have to figure out if I polish it up to meet what they want over there at Everyday or do I go with my writer gut and pursue other venues.  I mean, if they saw something at one place at one level, there is a chance someone else will see something as well.

I have created a timeline for my novel, but in all honesty, I am in too happy a place to get into character enough to write the scenes I am on.  Do any of you ever have this problem?

What do you do when you lose interest in finishing your work because your real life is so damn good and distracting?

I know I will get back on track, but how?  I'll keep you posted about the Everyday submissions.

See ya for now.  Stay groovy!!

Book Review: Matched by Ally Condie

Like many reviewers, the gorgeous cover of Matched pulled me in. I've had quite a few students say they kind of, sort of liked the book but that it was slow. Still, I had to read it. 

Personally, I enjoyed the book very much. The Society fascinated me and the energy and spirit of Cassia inspired me as well. The concept of choices and being led to believe that your life is ideal when you don't have to make them is curious. How many times have we all felt that way when we were overwhelmed and exasperated? Condie's use of that feeling to build a Society where you get exactly that is unique and well done.

In the beginning, I was so upset with Casia's grandfather for planting the seed of doubt about the Society in her happy, young mind. What really makes him any different from the Society--manipulating her thoughts and feelings through suggestion? 

When you step back and look at the interactions between all the characters and Cassia, you begin to think about our own society--how "free" are we really? Are our thoughts and actions truly a result of free will, or are we all unknowingly "going gently"? 

The love triangle is compelling (using a bit of the law of "bad boy" attraction that so many women understand). I haven't yet decided if I'm team Ky or team Xander. 

Well done Ally Condie. You have definitely made me think while entertaining me as well!!

Book Review: Taking Lessons from Ernest by Trish Stewart

Taking Lessons from Ernest is a tale of disappointment and reclamation. Trish Stewart does an eloquent job bringing the emotions of "hitting rock bottom" to life through her characters Eric and Oliver. Through her words and the appearance of Hemingway's ghost, she has crafted a tale of true healing as we follow Eric on his journey to fulfill his father's last wishes. This is a must read for anyone who feels like life has settled into a pit and they do not have the strength to climb out and fight for happiness.

BuNoWriMo and Changing my Stars

Wow!  I have come such a long way.  As of now it is midnight.  Officially June 1st.  I am now going to start my first WriMo Challenge.  And, of course, because it is me, I am being a rebel right off the bat because I already have 26xxx words written.  The challenge is to write 50xxx.  Here's where I stand with that:  I am finishing the rough draft of my first novel this month.  Whether that means writing another 50k or not really doesn't matter.  And I am OK with this.

I've done some sprints with my friend and writing buddy, Nova Lovette and loved it.  I also found a Facebook group that is set up just for sprints.  Perfect.  Nova clued me in on a webinar type thingy...and I watched an author go through her process of outlining using post-it notes.  I LOVE her ideas and have bought my post-its, so I am ready to go--as soon as I go back to Wal-Mart and buy the whiteboard I knew I should have bought today :-(

I've found my voice, my spine, my grit.  Had a poem rejected from Everyday Poets.  Well, their loss.  They seem to prefer a tighter rhyme and meter and I'm more of a free verse style poet.  No loss to me.  I have other poems that fit what they are looking for.  But, unlike my previous rejection, I am not set back or really all that disappointed.  I know my poem is good and will fit somewhere.  Just not there.  And I am OK with that too.

This trend of finding my voice in my writing and publishing adventures, is translating into my personal life too.  I have always been the type of person who accepts everyone and excuses their mistakes even when they are "crimes against me".  I don't like to call people out for doing things that hurt or bother me.  It makes me feel guilty for hurting them even though they were in the wrong.  This has landed me in more than enough sticky situations as you can imagine.

Well, this week alone, I asked a dear friend to please try and refrain from drunk dialing me if at all possible, told my ex that I was not discussing something that was none of his business and did not let someone else's inappropriate decision bring me down with them.  (I swear, reading this it sounds like I have some great people in my life...lol!  Just one of those weeks I guess.)  Guess what.  The only one who was offended was the last one, and that is because he was called out for his decision and embarrassed--and not someone I ever wanted in my life, but we can't choose all of those who impact us.  Everyone else was respectful about my space and privacy.  I didn't have to compromise myself and didn't have to be mean.  I just had to express what I wanted and let it go.  It feels so good to be finding myself.

I wouldn't be in this position without my writing.  As my character is experiencing this same phenomenon, it seems we are growing together.  Writing truly can be a healing process.  That being said...can't wait to see who I am at the end of this month...after I have changed my stars and become an author who has "finished" a novel.

A Man Can Change His Stars: A Knight's Tale

Project Management

Tuesday I debuted on YA Warehouse and, so far, I am pleased with the responses on my social network platforms.  I've seen several RTs on Twitter and some Likes on Facebook.  I also gained a few followers on my personal blog here.  Thank you to you, my supporters!!  You all truly encourage me to continue.  And, just so you know, unlike on this blog, I can't see the traffic over at YA, so unless you leave a comment, I won't know you visited.

One visitor left me a bit of her amazing story of how she deferred her dreams in fashion design until just recently.  One can tell from her story, she is an incredible soul.  And reading her comment really got me thinking, I wonder if I could collect stories like her's from around the world--through social media channels--and create an anthology.  Off my mind went, spinning like a child just learning the joys of making yourself dizzy.

Just as the dizzy set in, I remembered motion sickness and stopped mid-spin.  See, I read/watched the vlog one of my counterparts, Nova Lovette, posted on YA Warehouse last night.  She was discussing "shiny new ideas" and maintaining focus on your current WIP.  I started thinking about that, then I thought about Bird by Bird from Anne Lamott:


“Because this business of becoming conscious, of being a writer, is ultimately about asking yourself, How alive am I willing to be?” 
― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

I had to think about Nova's question: What does a writer do with "shiny new ideas"?

How do you manage your writing projects?  (um, yeah...cause we all know we're really the ones in control of our projects, right?  ;-D ) Do you keep a writer's notebook so you can let the shine glimmer onto the pages, get out of your system as an infantile glow and then wait there maturing until you are ready to guide it?  Do you bottle it up and hope like heck that it'll still be there when you're ready?  How do writers deal with the onslaught of ideas when they actually do come?  How do we become the proverbial ants who stock up our "food" so we have it when the weather turns and there is none to be found elsewhere?  And, is this management, or lack thereof, truly the cause of those idea droughts we all fear?

Typically, I have cycled when it comes to my idea management.  Mostly, as an adult, I have not taken my ideas seriously and given them the time and respect they deserve.  I stuff them in the corners of my abyss and count on those ideas to come running back to me when I need them--to still love me after being carelessly rejected.  Less often, I have stopped, honored the thoughts, jotted them down in a safe place and taken the care to let them flow as they intend from my inner creator.  Even though I find I am more creative, productive and positive when I'm in the latter cycle, I still don't set myself up to practice getting the ideas out.

Now that I'm taking my writing more seriously, maybe it's time that I honor my thoughts.  Let the "shiny new ideas" sparkle in the sun a bit before gently placing them into a safe writer's notebook for another day.  Even the controversial rapper, Eminem does this--sort of!  No more games or self-detriment.  I want to be a writer.  I want to publish my heart and soul in ink.  It's time to manage my projects...

How do you manage your projects and your "shiny new ideas"?

The Payoff of Taking a Chance

I have always been one to play it safe when it comes to making important decisions.  Not the “What should I do this weekend?” kind of decisions, but big decisions like “What should I be when I grow up and how much education will I need for that?”  For as long as I can remember, I have been scared of feeling pigeon-holed in a job or career I couldn’t stand or one that leaves me unable to support my family.  (I mean, choosing the wrong path is not a small mistake!)

Choosing a career path costs time and money, and neither are refundable.  This is not something I felt I could afford to screw up.  Just out of high school, I thought I might want to go into nursing.  I got a job at a hospital while pursuing my general-ed courses.  Thank goodness too, because about two years in, I saw this 10 year old boy who broke his arm skateboarding.  His arm zigzagged in the most unnatural way and I almost got sick.  It was the weirdest thing.  After all I had seen, (blood, guts and mucus) nothing had bothered me yet, but this kid and his twisted bones had me dropping my entire course load for the next semester.

I had no Plan B, so I enlisted in the Air Force until I could figure out my path in life.  My parents' marriage was falling apart and so were my morals as I quickly approached my 21st birthday.  My hope was the military would finish raising me.  And raise me it did, until Plan B dropped itself right into my heart and I felt an inclination to start a family.  Since the military didn't fit with my new family plan, I sought a medical discharge— I was pregnant— and pretended I was a real grown up.

The problem was I still had no career.  I also didn't like the idea of leaving my baby with strangers.  My extensive babysitting experiences led me to explore working in daycare.  After a few years there, one of the parents said to me, "Why not go to school?  Time is going to pass you by no matter what.  Where do you want to be in two years?  Here, with everything unchanged except your age or here with a raise and an associate’s degree in education?  No one can take knowledge away from you."

I thought about the risk involved in picking one degree area.  Scary stuff to think about.  What if I tried, spent all that time and money and found out I wasn't smart enough to teach?  Then I realized, I was already teaching.  I was teaching at daycare and I was teaching my son.  So, I took the chance; going to school could only make me better.  While I was there, I learned a few things about myself:  I am excellent at teaching.  Writing brings pure bliss—even papers for school.  And, hey, I like to read this YA stuff.  Taking this opportunity is how I found my Plan C (C for calling).  Teaching middle school reading and writing just feels natural. 

But I have since learned that taking chances can't apply only to choosing a career path.  Taking chances HAS TO translate into everything you do in life.  Every venture that comes your way has to be honestly explored with self-confidence.  That's where you find happiness.  That's where you find the people who are most like you and who will support you.  

I am taking a new chance now thanks to those wonderful supporters and a little bit of faith in myself.  I'm taking a chance with my writing.  I can be something with it.  I can make a difference.  In taking that gamble, I find myself with a new opportunity: I am becoming a member of the YA Warehouse blog, sharing my experience with you.  Please join me there on Tuesdays.  Share with me in return?  What is your journey?  What dreams are you deferring?  

I will also maintain this blog...at least to the level I have so far eh-heh-hem... but on Tuesdays, you will find my posts at YA Warehouse with 3 other fabulous authors.  Please click on the banner below to follow me in both places.

Zombie-hood Awakened my Inner Unicorn

My boring, day to day life has changed drastically in the past 4 months.  I have become a divorced parent, single again for the first time in 16 years and a zombie.  No, not a zombie because I am so tired from being the custodial parent to two rapidly growing boys and a puppy.  Not a zombie because I am a middle school teacher in the last trimester of the school year when EVERYTHING seems to happen.  And not a zombie because I have decided that in my “free time” I am going to explore my latent writing talents by maintaining a blog and actually finishing the book I started to write.  I mean, I literally became a zombie extra on the set of an 88mm Productions film titled The Sound of Nothing.

A little venting on Facebook was the catalyst to my plunge into the world of the undead and self-acceptance.

“So tired and crabby!!! Definitely more zombie than unicorn today!!!! Ugh! Cold weather not helping.” 

My friend and fellow teacher, Carol Eubanks-Riccardi responded to my status update with information about a movie production in which her daughter was participating.  They needed volunteers for zombie extras.  Before continuing, I have to tell you a bit about my previous acting and zombie experience.  Other than my day job (every teacher is an actor of sorts) I have no acting experience.  I avoid cameras unless I have put effort into make-up and hair.  Even then, I avoid anything other than a headshot.  My body is a sore subject for me.  My experience with zombies involves half watching TV shows and movies that my ex-husband wanted to watch.  I hated them.  They were gross, predictable and pointless.  Plus, he liked them.  He would have died at the chance to play a zombie and now I had that very opportunity.  This bit of revenge and the chance at meeting new people, while redefining myself, fueled my decision to join the cast.

I didn’t ask anything but when, where and can I bring a friend, which made the first shoot a bit of a surprise, but no less memorable.  I threw insecurities aside and thrust myself into an abandoned YMCA in Granite City, Illinois at 7am in below freezing weather.  The building had no heat, no running water and the electricity consisted of extension cords run from the few working outlets.  Zombie-hood was not starting out pleasant, but it quickly grew on me.  From the moment we arrived, everyone was welcoming.  We were given a bloody, shredded wardrobe and make-up from a professional make-up artist.   Then we explored the creepy, decaying building and learned what to expect from the day.  We were fed and watered and even taught a little bit about the film making process.  The day was long, but pretty incredible despite freezing.  But that is not why I came back three more times.

Something about becoming a zombie is addicting.  Maybe, it’s the fact that you spend a day looking your absolute worst and being proud of it.  Maybe, it’s the fact that you have to throw your inhibitions out the window, make inappropriate noises and walk like an injured drunk along with a group of strangers doing the same.  Maybe, it was the fact that we had to go to McDonald’s, QuikTrip and the library to use public restrooms while in costume (and sometimes character).  I’m not exactly sure what it is, but if I had to bet, I would say it is the people and the relationships built with those people during my zombie-hood.

My fellow zombies and the cast and crew for The Sound of Nothing couldn’t have been a more incredible group of people.  Despite the unaccommodating conditions of the abandoned building, everyone was kind, compassionate and hilarious.  Facebook friending was on the up and zombie jokes flying.  We sat, huddled on an old couch in the lobby of the building, sharing bits of our lives with one another in between takes.  We were interviewed for behind the scenes (while in character) and asked about the secret lives of zombies; a task that I found difficult on that first shoot due to my lack of confidence when it came to zombie knowledge.  Pictures were taken at every interval of the day both informally on camera phones and formally on high resolution cameras.  The day was so much more than I could have imagined.  I had to do it again to make sure it was real.

It wasn’t.  In fact, returning to set, alone this time, was even better than the first.  The cast and crew knew my name.  They were happy to see me return.  Despite the flurry with which they worked during my first day on set and all the filming they had done in the three months since, the people from 88mm remembered me and took the time to greet me with smiles.  I was floored at their ease.  Between shots, we connected over inclinations of supernatural happenings in the building, hobbies, histories and even writing.  This time, when interviewed for behind the scenes, I felt comfortable.  I became more confident as I realized acceptance didn’t come from my common knowledge of zombies, but how I could uniquely characterize them.  This freedom to be myself led to my declaration of the guidelines for building a zombie army as well as the embrace of my imagination’s return.  During the shoots, there was dancing between takes, watching out for each other’s safety and celebrations as we got the shot the director was going for.  Sharing the experience of turning an imagined world into a real one somehow bonds people together.

I participated in filming a total of four times.  Despite long days of shooting, the whole experience went way too fast.  I found myself wanting to know more about what this movie making business is all about.  What drives someone to bring the world of make-believe to life?  Whatever that element is that propels them forward, that desire to persevere even when something goes wrong with the shot, is an inspiring mindset to observe.  Everyone should take the opportunity to experience film making, even just once, to see that passion in action. Watching others take a script and turn it into something distinctively visual, inspired me to continue to tell my story, build my world, despite the hindrances I encounter both on paper and in reality.