5 Reasons Adults Should Read with Teenagers

Remember that feeling of picking out a stack of books, running to the most obliging adult, and begging them to read you a story?  Then there is that warm, tingly feeling you still have when you see a book from elementary school--one of those the teacher read to the class as we all lost ourselves in an imaginary world for a bit. Reading is one of those common experiences we all share.  It is entertainment, education and promotes bonding. We begin experiencing reading even before we can do it by ourselves.  By middle and high school, something happens though.  No longer do we look forward to those "class books" and those shared moments.  Why is this?  What changed?

Well, here's what I see everyday in my job as a 7th grade English teacher.  My middle school students can all tell me about a book sharing experience that brings out a smile, however, these experiences are few and far between after 5th grade.  Frequently, parents ask me what books their child should be reading.  That one is easy to answer.   Too often, parents ask what book their child IS reading and each time I answer, I am sure to include a reason or two for a parent to pick up a book with their child.

Here are my top five reasons adults should continue to read with the teens in their lives, well after the kids are reading on their own:

5. Fun: Let's face it, many of these YA books are big in the entertainment biz.  Just look at Harry Potter, Twilight and most recently, Hunger Games.  Reading some of these pop culture phenomenons along with your kids can offer up a fun experience for the whole family.  Last year, during the Hunger Games boom, so many kids were reading the series, we organized a field trip to the movie.  Nearly the entire 7th grade (300 kids) went and we had parents volunteering to chaperone like we had never had before.  While there was learning involved, the whole experience ended up more like a big celebration of pop culture and community building.

4. Conversation: For many adults, talking to teens feels like a litany of chores lists, commands and discipline.  Having a common book to talk about can lighten the mood a little and give both you and your child the chance to practice having adult conversations.  Book talk can eliminate the threat of judgement and "personal" topics, allowing both kids and parents to let down their guard a bit.

3. Support: Reading, even fiction novels, is essential for learning.  As the readers age and become more and more complex, so does the structure, vocabulary and content of the books written for them.  To help students access the new levels of reading and analysis, they need help.  They need to hear conversations about the books, they need to hear a broader vocabulary and they need to develop an understanding of the content of the novel.  Even the most informal of conversations about the text can boost their engagement and encourage them to pursue the outcome of a more challenging story.

2. Bonding: Even if you aren't entertained by the books your teen is reading, there is this unspoken bond that happens between people who have read the same book, as if only they share secrets the author has whispered.  Reading these books also gives adults an inside look at the topics that interest, intrigue, confuse and fascinate their developing young adult.

1. Unsuspected Surveillance: Odd as it may seem, reading the same books as the teens in your life gives you an inside look into their world and may alert you to problems before they become tragedies.  With this one, you do have to use some caution and intelligence so you don't jump to conclusions.  Teens are naturally interested in drama, so the teen pregnancy stories and stories about drug abuse and such do not mean your child is involved in these activities.  However, being able to have those conversations mentioned in reason four will give you the open door you need if you suspect poor choices.  The best example I have of this actually inspired this blog post and comes from my best friend and her stepson.  I noticed he posted on his Facebook about someone creating a fake profile with the name Hannah Baker and talking about people from school.  Immediately, I was alarmed and able to message both him and my friend about handling the situation carefully.  See, in the book Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher, Hannah Baker is a character who committed suicide and left her suicide note in the form of thirteen tapes to be passed along between the thirteen people she felt responsible for her choice.  A fact I knew because I had recently read the heart wrenching book.

Teens often hide "their world" from adults and believe no one will understand them.  They want to reach out and connect with us, but frequently don't know how.  They try using coded messages and actions like the Facebook incident above, hoping someone will pick up on the message and reach out to them.  Sharing the reading experience with them provides avenues for communication and trust that may not be there otherwise.  Give it a try, ask your kids what they are reading, pick up a copy and join them.  Can't hurt.

BuNoWriMo and Changing my Stars

Wow!  I have come such a long way.  As of now it is midnight.  Officially June 1st.  I am now going to start my first WriMo Challenge.  And, of course, because it is me, I am being a rebel right off the bat because I already have 26xxx words written.  The challenge is to write 50xxx.  Here's where I stand with that:  I am finishing the rough draft of my first novel this month.  Whether that means writing another 50k or not really doesn't matter.  And I am OK with this.

I've done some sprints with my friend and writing buddy, Nova Lovette and loved it.  I also found a Facebook group that is set up just for sprints.  Perfect.  Nova clued me in on a webinar type thingy...and I watched an author go through her process of outlining using post-it notes.  I LOVE her ideas and have bought my post-its, so I am ready to go--as soon as I go back to Wal-Mart and buy the whiteboard I knew I should have bought today :-(

I've found my voice, my spine, my grit.  Had a poem rejected from Everyday Poets.  Well, their loss.  They seem to prefer a tighter rhyme and meter and I'm more of a free verse style poet.  No loss to me.  I have other poems that fit what they are looking for.  But, unlike my previous rejection, I am not set back or really all that disappointed.  I know my poem is good and will fit somewhere.  Just not there.  And I am OK with that too.

This trend of finding my voice in my writing and publishing adventures, is translating into my personal life too.  I have always been the type of person who accepts everyone and excuses their mistakes even when they are "crimes against me".  I don't like to call people out for doing things that hurt or bother me.  It makes me feel guilty for hurting them even though they were in the wrong.  This has landed me in more than enough sticky situations as you can imagine.

Well, this week alone, I asked a dear friend to please try and refrain from drunk dialing me if at all possible, told my ex that I was not discussing something that was none of his business and did not let someone else's inappropriate decision bring me down with them.  (I swear, reading this it sounds like I have some great people in my life...lol!  Just one of those weeks I guess.)  Guess what.  The only one who was offended was the last one, and that is because he was called out for his decision and embarrassed--and not someone I ever wanted in my life, but we can't choose all of those who impact us.  Everyone else was respectful about my space and privacy.  I didn't have to compromise myself and didn't have to be mean.  I just had to express what I wanted and let it go.  It feels so good to be finding myself.

I wouldn't be in this position without my writing.  As my character is experiencing this same phenomenon, it seems we are growing together.  Writing truly can be a healing process.  That being said...can't wait to see who I am at the end of this month...after I have changed my stars and become an author who has "finished" a novel.

A Man Can Change His Stars: A Knight's Tale

Zombie-hood Awakened my Inner Unicorn

My boring, day to day life has changed drastically in the past 4 months.  I have become a divorced parent, single again for the first time in 16 years and a zombie.  No, not a zombie because I am so tired from being the custodial parent to two rapidly growing boys and a puppy.  Not a zombie because I am a middle school teacher in the last trimester of the school year when EVERYTHING seems to happen.  And not a zombie because I have decided that in my “free time” I am going to explore my latent writing talents by maintaining a blog and actually finishing the book I started to write.  I mean, I literally became a zombie extra on the set of an 88mm Productions film titled The Sound of Nothing.

A little venting on Facebook was the catalyst to my plunge into the world of the undead and self-acceptance.

“So tired and crabby!!! Definitely more zombie than unicorn today!!!! Ugh! Cold weather not helping.” 

My friend and fellow teacher, Carol Eubanks-Riccardi responded to my status update with information about a movie production in which her daughter was participating.  They needed volunteers for zombie extras.  Before continuing, I have to tell you a bit about my previous acting and zombie experience.  Other than my day job (every teacher is an actor of sorts) I have no acting experience.  I avoid cameras unless I have put effort into make-up and hair.  Even then, I avoid anything other than a headshot.  My body is a sore subject for me.  My experience with zombies involves half watching TV shows and movies that my ex-husband wanted to watch.  I hated them.  They were gross, predictable and pointless.  Plus, he liked them.  He would have died at the chance to play a zombie and now I had that very opportunity.  This bit of revenge and the chance at meeting new people, while redefining myself, fueled my decision to join the cast.

I didn’t ask anything but when, where and can I bring a friend, which made the first shoot a bit of a surprise, but no less memorable.  I threw insecurities aside and thrust myself into an abandoned YMCA in Granite City, Illinois at 7am in below freezing weather.  The building had no heat, no running water and the electricity consisted of extension cords run from the few working outlets.  Zombie-hood was not starting out pleasant, but it quickly grew on me.  From the moment we arrived, everyone was welcoming.  We were given a bloody, shredded wardrobe and make-up from a professional make-up artist.   Then we explored the creepy, decaying building and learned what to expect from the day.  We were fed and watered and even taught a little bit about the film making process.  The day was long, but pretty incredible despite freezing.  But that is not why I came back three more times.

Something about becoming a zombie is addicting.  Maybe, it’s the fact that you spend a day looking your absolute worst and being proud of it.  Maybe, it’s the fact that you have to throw your inhibitions out the window, make inappropriate noises and walk like an injured drunk along with a group of strangers doing the same.  Maybe, it was the fact that we had to go to McDonald’s, QuikTrip and the library to use public restrooms while in costume (and sometimes character).  I’m not exactly sure what it is, but if I had to bet, I would say it is the people and the relationships built with those people during my zombie-hood.

My fellow zombies and the cast and crew for The Sound of Nothing couldn’t have been a more incredible group of people.  Despite the unaccommodating conditions of the abandoned building, everyone was kind, compassionate and hilarious.  Facebook friending was on the up and zombie jokes flying.  We sat, huddled on an old couch in the lobby of the building, sharing bits of our lives with one another in between takes.  We were interviewed for behind the scenes (while in character) and asked about the secret lives of zombies; a task that I found difficult on that first shoot due to my lack of confidence when it came to zombie knowledge.  Pictures were taken at every interval of the day both informally on camera phones and formally on high resolution cameras.  The day was so much more than I could have imagined.  I had to do it again to make sure it was real.

It wasn’t.  In fact, returning to set, alone this time, was even better than the first.  The cast and crew knew my name.  They were happy to see me return.  Despite the flurry with which they worked during my first day on set and all the filming they had done in the three months since, the people from 88mm remembered me and took the time to greet me with smiles.  I was floored at their ease.  Between shots, we connected over inclinations of supernatural happenings in the building, hobbies, histories and even writing.  This time, when interviewed for behind the scenes, I felt comfortable.  I became more confident as I realized acceptance didn’t come from my common knowledge of zombies, but how I could uniquely characterize them.  This freedom to be myself led to my declaration of the guidelines for building a zombie army as well as the embrace of my imagination’s return.  During the shoots, there was dancing between takes, watching out for each other’s safety and celebrations as we got the shot the director was going for.  Sharing the experience of turning an imagined world into a real one somehow bonds people together.

I participated in filming a total of four times.  Despite long days of shooting, the whole experience went way too fast.  I found myself wanting to know more about what this movie making business is all about.  What drives someone to bring the world of make-believe to life?  Whatever that element is that propels them forward, that desire to persevere even when something goes wrong with the shot, is an inspiring mindset to observe.  Everyone should take the opportunity to experience film making, even just once, to see that passion in action. Watching others take a script and turn it into something distinctively visual, inspired me to continue to tell my story, build my world, despite the hindrances I encounter both on paper and in reality.