The Payoff of Taking a Chance

I have always been one to play it safe when it comes to making important decisions.  Not the “What should I do this weekend?” kind of decisions, but big decisions like “What should I be when I grow up and how much education will I need for that?”  For as long as I can remember, I have been scared of feeling pigeon-holed in a job or career I couldn’t stand or one that leaves me unable to support my family.  (I mean, choosing the wrong path is not a small mistake!)

Choosing a career path costs time and money, and neither are refundable.  This is not something I felt I could afford to screw up.  Just out of high school, I thought I might want to go into nursing.  I got a job at a hospital while pursuing my general-ed courses.  Thank goodness too, because about two years in, I saw this 10 year old boy who broke his arm skateboarding.  His arm zigzagged in the most unnatural way and I almost got sick.  It was the weirdest thing.  After all I had seen, (blood, guts and mucus) nothing had bothered me yet, but this kid and his twisted bones had me dropping my entire course load for the next semester.

I had no Plan B, so I enlisted in the Air Force until I could figure out my path in life.  My parents' marriage was falling apart and so were my morals as I quickly approached my 21st birthday.  My hope was the military would finish raising me.  And raise me it did, until Plan B dropped itself right into my heart and I felt an inclination to start a family.  Since the military didn't fit with my new family plan, I sought a medical discharge— I was pregnant— and pretended I was a real grown up.

The problem was I still had no career.  I also didn't like the idea of leaving my baby with strangers.  My extensive babysitting experiences led me to explore working in daycare.  After a few years there, one of the parents said to me, "Why not go to school?  Time is going to pass you by no matter what.  Where do you want to be in two years?  Here, with everything unchanged except your age or here with a raise and an associate’s degree in education?  No one can take knowledge away from you."

I thought about the risk involved in picking one degree area.  Scary stuff to think about.  What if I tried, spent all that time and money and found out I wasn't smart enough to teach?  Then I realized, I was already teaching.  I was teaching at daycare and I was teaching my son.  So, I took the chance; going to school could only make me better.  While I was there, I learned a few things about myself:  I am excellent at teaching.  Writing brings pure bliss—even papers for school.  And, hey, I like to read this YA stuff.  Taking this opportunity is how I found my Plan C (C for calling).  Teaching middle school reading and writing just feels natural. 

But I have since learned that taking chances can't apply only to choosing a career path.  Taking chances HAS TO translate into everything you do in life.  Every venture that comes your way has to be honestly explored with self-confidence.  That's where you find happiness.  That's where you find the people who are most like you and who will support you.  

I am taking a new chance now thanks to those wonderful supporters and a little bit of faith in myself.  I'm taking a chance with my writing.  I can be something with it.  I can make a difference.  In taking that gamble, I find myself with a new opportunity: I am becoming a member of the YA Warehouse blog, sharing my experience with you.  Please join me there on Tuesdays.  Share with me in return?  What is your journey?  What dreams are you deferring?  

I will also maintain this blog...at least to the level I have so far eh-heh-hem... but on Tuesdays, you will find my posts at YA Warehouse with 3 other fabulous authors.  Please click on the banner below to follow me in both places.

Create your Pinocchio: Building a Person from Ideas

I don't know if it was because he was a boy or because I was creeped out by his growing nose and foolish mistakes, but as a kid I never liked Pinocchio.  So, I could never understand why Giuseppe would want him to become a real boy.  I mean who wants to deal with a pain in the ass, dishonest little kid who doesn't listen? (Thanks for putting up with me Mom.)  Giuseppe, much like a parent, did see something in Pinocchio; he saw a chance for his ideas to come to life.

Since committing to the transformation of my writing from hobby to career, I am beginning to understand Giuseppe better and wish Pinocchio could be truly real.  Because if he could be real, then my Kaitlin and Gracie could be real and we could hang out and talk just once.  I spend so much time developing them in my head and on my computer it's as if they are my children.  As I write, I can hear their voices and see through Kaitlin's eyes.  I feel their emotions and understand their thoughts.  Now, there is the chance that my meds quit working again, but I like to think I have gotten good at developing my characters.  At least that's what the people in my writing group let me believe (and that has nothing to do with the fact that they are with me in a small room at the end of a long hallway as they critique my work).

Last night, at writer's group, I was asked what I do to develop my characters.  I tried to answer this on the spot, but I was drowning in the flattery and really couldn't think about my process clearly enough to explain.  It seems I remember reading an article or chapter about character development that talked about interviewing your characters.  I am sure that works great...if you are good at asking questions.  I am not.

I tend to work more on intuition and this character sketch lesson I have taught to my 7th graders.  What are the habits of my characters?  Habits you wouldn’t explicitly write into the book, but that make them more human.  My character, Kaitlin, for example, is a Diet Coke addict.  It's a little thing, but anytime food is mentioned, you know she will have a Diet Coke--just like you know what your best friend would have to drink.  These little habits help readers connect to the characters more and brings fictional people to life.

Another way character can be developed is by writing notes on their back story and items they own.  My character, Kaitlin, was abandoned at the age of four, yet we know her birthday.  How is that?  I was going to brush it off as YA literary magic and hope my readers never wondered.  This deception kept me awake and I decided to ask the question myself.  Immediately, I found myself jotting notes about the items found with her in a backpack.  There is information in these items that give us her birth date.  However, these items also began to tell me who Kaitlin's parents were and in turn who she is.  Suddenly, I could see her as well as my own kids.

Finally, I think about what the characters look like and then I watch people when I am out.  I still haven't "seen" Kaitlin, but her adoptive mother I have seen.  I was sitting in a class one Saturday morning when instructor came in and it was clear, she was Gracie.  I knew it as soon as I saw her.  I don't think I could tell you much of what I learned in this class, but I have copious notes about her mannerisms and belief systems.

When building your characters, the best thing you can do is spend time with them.  Look for them in your day to day interactions.  During typical encounters ask yourself, what would my character do in this situation?  Then, weave these mundane daily actions and habits into the fabric of your fiction to add depth to who your character truly is.  Create your Pinocchio.

ROW 80: What keeps you on track?

So...ummmm...yeah...slight fail on these goals already.  It's just the adjustment back into real world from vacation world.  I have been faithful about the connecting and contributing to the fabric of social networking.  Learning from others around me is so important to me.  The writing and reading will be back on track as my schedule gets back to normal on Monday.  Kids in school, visitation with their dad back on schedule, writer's groups back up from holiday breaks and routine in place. I think I need that to write.  Lots of writing in my head though.  Ready to let it out, let it explode!  What do you need to keep writing?  How do you focus on one piece when shorter, unrelated pieces keep cropping up in your head?

ROW80: Round 1 Goals

I have my goals for the year, but to achieve those, I have to break them down.  I am ready to meet this challenge head on, armed with a renewed sense of self and direction.  With my new marital status, I am also finding myself with peaceful visitation days.  I love my boys, but those days they are visiting their dad make for a silence I haven't had in a lifetime.  I plan to capitalize on the opportunity this gives me during this round.

Round 1 Goals:

Write 1,000 words on the days I have no kids.

Attend one of my Writer's Groups on a regular basis.

Select/ Revise/Submit entries on days I have the boys.

Blog on Wednesdays

Read one post on improving my craft and Connect on Twitter/Facebook/Goodreads for an hour everyday.

Breaking my bigger goals down should enable me to reach my larger goals that I have set for the year.  Cheer me on!

Bring on 2012 and Watch me Grow

With a new life opening before me, 2012 is going to be the year I rule MY world!  Far too long, I have repressed my inner self.  My writer!  I have made everyone and everything a priority above my most innate need.  My fellow writers understand, I'm sure, how strong the urge to write and relieve the build up of imagination within can be.  To have something to say and have it be heard is the ultimate in personal freedoms.

Let me be clear, nothing or no one prevented me from writing but me.  Internalizing so much of who I am has caused greater damage than any another person could inflict.  This is why I am taking back my life, freeing myself and inviting others to join in the self-development and healing that writing can bring.

During 2012, I have work to do.  Goals to reach:

Finish 1st novel (13,100 out of 36,000 words) 

Submit poetry and flash fiction entries once a month

Blog once a week

Continue to build my platform and brand

I could go on, but I've learned over the years, there is a need to limit goals to what can be managed alongside life.  Otherwise, I quit at the first setback because it feels like there's too much to catch up on.  WHEN I achieve these goals, I will set new ones.  So join me on this journey, learn with me, cheer me on, correct my mistakes, ignore my rants.  Just don't expect me to stop and go away, because I won't.  

Book Review: Deadline by Chris Crutcher

Chris Crutcher's novel, Deadline provides readers with a fresh look at teenagers and drama.  The main character is funny and even a bit snarky (especially when it comes to his opinion of the education he's being offered) but not so over the top that you find him annoying.  His courage as he faces death and the experiences he allows himself because of his choice not to tell, leave you wondering what you would do if you found out a similar fate.

Especially endearing is his relationships with others in the book.  There is not one character on the book that is left out of Ben's connections.  He manages to reach everyone, in one way or another, with his message about living life one day at a time.

A compelling read, with a powerful message.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/275844.Deadline

Courage in the Face of Judgment

 Deciding on what kind of candy I need while I'm striving to reach the ambitious writing goal I set is difficult. (Come on now, we all know candy is a need not a want.)  This is an arduous thought process, this decision making stuff.  I mean, if I get the chocolate it might not be enough chocolate.  If I get the Laffy Taffy, I have to unwrap each one and then I would have to stop typing.  Wait, that might be good for my diet then.  Twizzlers don't come individually wrapped, so I can type and snack, but the kids will bother me because they want some too.  UGH!  Sound familiar?  Everyone makes choices in their life everyday.  Some are easier than others, but we all know what it is like to make a tough choice.  So why is it then, that we judge another person's decisions?

Almost daily, I see students, teachers, parents making decisions at break neck pace.  And just as fast, there is someone there judging these decisions and sharing their well-intended opinions.  With all of this immediate feedback it's no wonder decisions are tough.  Make the wrong one and the world will haunt you for it.  Make the right one and someone will tell you what you should have done differently.  What is it that makes us all forget the difficulty that goes into making decisions, deciding on the value of opportunity cost?

I just read a beautiful novel, As Small as a Mustard Seed, by Shelli Johnson.  I spent so much of the novel questioning the decisions of the mother in the story as I watched her through the eyes of her oldest daughter. She struggled with the cost of protecting family over protecting just the children.  For much of it, I was feeling the burns of old wounds I have because of my own mother's similar struggle.  Yet, as the story continues, Shelli allows us to see the family years later through the eyes of an adult daughter.  A daughter who has lived her own life away from the struggles at home and has a fresh perspective of her youth.  It is amazing how our opinions of some one's choices change with time, age, experience and perspective.

I mention this because I was feeling very stuck with the mother in my own novel.  I didn't like her.  Here I am creating this woman, and I'm disgusted by her and her choices.  No matter how I tried to write her, I struggled because I felt wrong making her likable now when her choices as a younger mother were appalling.  Reading Shelli's novel helped me see that perspective and life experience are the things that make it OK to change our opinions of the decisions people in our lives make.  She helped me see that I NEED to work through writing this character because I NEED to work through these issues in my own life as well.  I need to remember to respect the courage it takes to make a decision, while well aware of the judgments you are facing.

Who Was Your Favorite Teacher?

Picture that kid, sitting in class.  The one who is either sleeping or constantly making inappropriate comments.  The one walking around the halls like they are "too cool for school" and looking for a fight.  What's he wearing?  (Come on now, you know you pictured a boy.)  How many times have you written him up?  How many times have you called home with no results?  What does he smell like?  What does he like to do during his free time?  Wait, what do you mean you don't know what he likes to do?  Is that because we all know this is the kid we are going to see on the news someday?  Is that why you haven't even tried to get to know him?

Chapter 2 of Adolescent Literacy, titled "Flying Blind" is written by novelist Chris Crutcher and should be read by every teacher at the beginning and end of everyday. In his chapter, he reminds us who is in our classrooms and what they bring with them. He states, "Favorite teachers save lives."

I have to say, from personal experience, this is true. I had a few teachers in my life who, for no other reason, were my favorites because of a look, or a well wish about my personal life. The ones that proved that they SAW me and knew I needed a nudge or a reassurance are the ones I remember. I remember them more than the grades I got or the things I learned. I also have a life lasting love for those subjects and a greater confidence in my abilities in those classes. How many English teachers can say they LOVE chemistry? I can, all because of Mr. Wilson. He just knew when I wasn't OK and his guitar playing while we worked made it better every time. I'm sure it wasn't all for me, but he had a way of making sure he checked in on you when your body language suggested you were not OK.

He is just one of many that I learned from and try to emulate as I teach in my room. In years past it has been successful...this year, my focus was wrong. This year, my focus was on school (Masters program) and data. It shows in the motivation and relationships in the classroom. It hurts. I find myself wanting to loop, just so I get the chance to "get it right" and make a positive impact in my kids. They deserve better than they got from me this year. Chris Crutcher's article will be read many times by me.

This book seems to be a must read for every teacher, regardless of the content you teach. It reminds you that the kids are the puzzle, not the GLE's and the best way to get the test scores you want.

Who were your favorite teachers and why?